3% chance they said to me.

When my eldest son was just a wee babe in my arms I knew deep within my mothers heart that something was a miss,there was no fooling me.Don't worry the doctors said there is only a 3% chance that IT will be carried on by your son,you are nursing him feel safe in that.
No one knew that I would have this amazing child that was every throw back gene in our family tree.So blond,blue eyes who stole their color form the sky,so tall and slender. A child who IS the meaning of his name.Issac means laughter because long ago Sarah, who waited so long for a child laughed as her Isaac was born.
Don't worry the doctors kept saying to me but how can one turn off the worry that comes from deep inside.That place in us all that KNOWS. That place that houses a mothers insight.The place that KNOWS the mothers child like no one else.A mother knows these things.
My son is that 3% chance,two years ago Issac was diagnosed with Crohn's disease a hereditary autoimmune disorder that has no cure.Ranked with Aids and Cancer. Painful,a thief and heart breaking.
When Issac was diagnosed I thought I would die,melt into a puddle upon the floor.My poor darling boy sobbed my heart,I did this to you. I have Crohn's too,I knew what he was in for.Is it not every mothers goal to spare her children any hurt or harm? It was my fault,the guilt of it was going to kill me.
But I said Issac is an amazing child that 3% kid, a rare child indeed. Issac saw me about to melt into a sobbing puddle upon the floor and what that child said gave me such courage and strength to carry on."It's ok Mama, You have it and have learned to live with it and so can I." How could I fall apart with such brave words in my ears?
Last year we spent many weeks at the hospital with Issac,Many hours waiting for surgery to be over,for him to open his blue blue eyes and waiting to come home again. His surgery was major but he brought with him to the hospital his laughter and shared it with everyone he met."It's going to be alright!" he would say to everyone.Laughter really is an inspiring medicine and works wonders.
A year ago Issac was home recooping waiting for the second part of his surgery. During that time Issac came up with a phrase he and I use together.A little moment of checking in and saying it's all going to be alright. Issac's phrase- "Crohnies " a bad pun in some ways but it is what we are Crohnies.
Now today my son lies on the sofa finally getting some much needed sleep.He's not well and we return to the doctors later this afternoon.Seeing him hurt, hurts my mothers heart.Today the guilt is eating away at me.But for my son I am brave as I quietly pack my book, water bottle,chrage my phone and call the neighbor for back up/stand by help with our younger son. Hopefully all of my preparedness will not be needed for another stay at the hospital.Hopefully me and my Crohnie will be home by supper time settling in to our everyday routine.
I love you little man,my baby in the blue bunny jammies,my Crohnie.
Love Mama.